bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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