Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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