Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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