im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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