"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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