my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Randomize
