Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
