Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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