She said her name was "party"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
