how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
