I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
