Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
