started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
