First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
