he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Floor bacon is actually really good
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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