How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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