it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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