That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
