I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
