I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
