Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
