Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
