I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
