Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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