Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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