It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
