just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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