He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize