I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
