I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
