I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize