i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Semen is not good for contacts.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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