dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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