no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I need water and some morals
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
