i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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