could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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