he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
