i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
