Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
