If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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