Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
