Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
