I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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