I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
