I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
