We're facebook friends in real life
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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