Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
