I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
