Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
