Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
