Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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