Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
