the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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