i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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