don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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