I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you win again, gameday.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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