apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
