Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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