I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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