She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The power of my boobs compel you
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
