True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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