I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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