well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So vagazzling was a success
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
