I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
