32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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