the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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