Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
