I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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