I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
