it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
