I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
porn star boner night. come get it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
