and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
