Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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